Massive Sounds Of The Apocalypse

What was that?

What was what?

Sounded like an explosion followed by screaming.

Oh, yeah,  I heard that, too.  It's probably nothing.

Oh, phew.  I was worried.

It's fine.  Go back to sleep.

Sleep?  We were in the middle of making love.

Is that what was happening?  Sorry, the lights are out.  Thought maybe you were massaging me down there with some old French Toast.

Holy fuck!  Did you hear that one?

Yeah.  That had a really damp and painful resonance to it.

Sounds like it was closer than the last one, too.

I'm pretty sure I put the cat outside.  Maybe she's just playing with an old microwave oven in the pool.

Right, she does that sometimes.  Jeez, you really are amazing at keeping an even head in stressful scenarios.  What's your secret?

I keep a stress ball under the pillow.

This one here?

That's the one.

This is my sister's severed head.

Oops.  Wrong severed head.  I use that one for aromatherapy.

Omigod!!!  What the fucking hell is making THAT insane noise!?!  The bed is fucking shaking!!!  IT SOUNDS LIKE IT'S IN THE FUCKING HOUSE!!!  SORRY FOR YELLING BUT IT"S THE ONLY WAY TO BE HEARD OVER WHAT IS OBVIOUSLY A DINOSAUR ASTEROID HITLER ASSFUCKING MURDER HAPPENING RIGHT OUTSIDE THE DOOR!!!

Careful with that head.  The skin comes off really easily in your hands if you aren't gentle.

Oh.  Sorry.

Here.  Pull my cellphone out of the bloody eye socket and I'll call someone to come over and check out what's going on out there.  [beep boop beep beep ring ring ring ring]  Hey.  What's going' on?  Really?  That's cool.  Wear a condom with that one.  Hey, when yer done, could you do me a favor and roll by my place for quick peek at...what's that?  Oh you're being killed right now?  Well, then, when yer done with that...hello?  Fucker hung up on me.

Was that Jim?

Yeah.

Can't believe he would do that to you.

Well, to be fair it wasn't him.  It was whatever squishy slithering thing that caused him to die.

Still.  Rude.

Truth.

You oughta delete him on Face...GAAAAAHHHH!!!!!  WHATTHAFUGGINHELL!!!!!  IT'S COMING FROM INSIDE THE ROOM!!!!!

Relax.  That's just my ringtone.  Jim is calling me back.  [beep]  Hello?  Hello?

What's he saying?  Is he coming over to help us, after all?

Nah.  Think his phone dialed on contact with the inside of some creature's throat.  All I hear are bones crunching and terrifying sobs of pain.

Ugh.  Hang up already.

[beep]  Done.

Well, now what?

We could see if there's anything on TV.

Nope.  Cat through it in the pool.

Gawd, that cat sucks.

Right?