4:00 A.M. Eat a breakfast burrito.
5:00 A.M. Cancel Prussian Blue victory concert.
6:00--9:00 A.M. Get hair trimmed by Ivanka.
9:01 A.M. Press Conference to announce fresh slander lawsuits against New York Times, CNN, Saturday Night Live, Wall Street Journal, ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox, Anderson Cooper, PETA, MADD, Mad Magazine, Taco Bell, Maya Angelou, Homer Simpson, Micheal Moore and a stray dog that pissed in the front yard of a property owned in Syria.
9:02 A.M. Cocaine.
10:30 A.M. Call in bomb threat to the White House from a pay phone.
11:45 A.M. Google image search "China".
12:01 P.M. Offer to fund the creation of a non-biased committee that will hand-count every single vote cast in the 2016 election for the position of president of the United States of America.
12:02 P.M. Sign Meliana up for an online math class.
1:00 P.M. Text in a bomb threat to a Mexican embassy from an intern's cell phone. Attach dick pic.
2:00 P.M. Fried chicken and Hennessy.
2:45 P.M. Release tax records to the public of lemonade stands owned in preadolescence.
4:00--6:00 P.M. Happy Hour at Hooters: all the left-wings you can eat.
7:00--8:30 P.M. Nationally televised post-election debate with no opponent or moderator.
9:00 P.M. Read acceptance speech to Billy Bush in high school locker room shower.
10:00--11:00 P.M. Call 911 to launch full-on sea, air and ground assault against all ISIS strongholds hiding inside of competing businesses.
11:45 P.M. Send a dick pic to Hillary Clinton's e-mail.
11:55 P.M. Cocaine.
11:59 P.M. Chamomile tea.
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