Friday, January 22, 2016

Fashion! Turn To The Left. Fashion! Turn To The Right.

It's official.

Yeah?

I.  Now.  Own.  Zero.  Cargo.  Shorts.

Wow.  Big day.

That's right.  And I don't have any cargo pants, either.

Slow down.  Breathe.  Enjoy the moment.

And!  AND!  AAAANNNDD!!!!  We are living in a kangaroo-free zone.  Matter of fact, there are no marsupials anywhere near this house.

Well, yeah.  You're not allowed within 500 feet of any zoo for a reason.

That's not the point!

I've made a terrible mistake...

No, you're fine.  Just listen.

...no, really, I broke an egg making this omelet.  Dammit, I really thought I was better than that.

SILENCE!  Now hear this!  From this day forth I will no longer be in the direct presence of any clothing or animal that has a gigantic pouch attached to it.  That means if my back pocket has my wallet and my two front pockets are stashing my keys and cellular phone device and my two hands are occupied by a glass of milk and a flamboyant butterfly then take a moment and THINK before you hand me anything because i will have no place on my body that will fit your object.

Not true.  You still have one back pocket.  If I hand you something small, like money or a wet pack of matches, you should be able to fit them with ease.

Motherfucker.  Why didn't I think of that?

You know you're not allowed to be anywhere near a butterfly, right?

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