"We were promptly greeted at the door by a young woman who identified herself as Amy. Within minutes we were placed into a long plush booth where our party of four sat comfortably while removing her spine with our place settings The remainder of the visit was spent contemplating how the food and drinks would have tasted had we allowed the staff to live."
Starbucks: ****
"We forced the hostages to sip their drinks as we simultaneously cut their throats. This created quite a robust elixir of caffeinated gore--of which our newer recruits were quite a bit more fond than the drab daily suckling of sweat from our beards."
Seattle Strip Clubs: *
"Where were the goats?"
Pumpkin Beer: n/a
"We don't drink. It's wrong."
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