Previously found bruises on his non-organic Whole Foods bananas.
Thousands of missing postcards that Hillary Clinton wrote to O.J. Simpson, all saying " I think Epstein fucked your wife. When she was 10.".
Prince Andrew's British teeth are actually straight.
Cellmate transferred to a women's prison hours before the apparent suicide as an emergency fill-in judge for the annual lingerie pillow-fight contest.
Guards falling asleep while fucking teach other in the shower.
Hanging himself with the strings from Trump's favorite KKK hoodie.
William Barr has an aneurysm on live television, falls down a flight of stairs, explodes his colostomy bag and drowns himself in his own doughnut diarrhea buuuuut comes back to life after being buried in a pet cemetery as a much nicer person.
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