...Mexicans: You're paying for this hair spray.
...Robert Mueller: I can't even spell collusion. But I could probably find it on a map.
...Stormy Daniels: You remind me of my daughter. Her vagina is also very smart.
...Wilbur Ross: I need some exercise. Let me pull on your neck skin for a minute.
...his golf caddie: I threw my back out pulling on Wilbur's neck again. Here's a check for 5 dollars to make this small ball go into that faraway hole 18 times. And, of course, be discreet.
...Vladimir Putin: I like it when you take off your shirt and ride around on a horse. It reminds me of my daughter.
...Betsy Devos: Seriously, how do you spell collusion? I'm not seeing it on any of these maps.
...Kelly Conway: If you shave your head, you could be Wilbur Ross for Halloween.
...Hillary Clinton: Your daughter would be much prettier if she'd come out of my dick.
...Barack Obama: Go back to your shithole birth-certificate.
...ISIS: Here's a check for 5 dollars to kill my caddie. He's been leaking my golf scores to illegal immigrants.
...Sarah Sanders: Okay, because you've done two press conferences this month, you're currently beating the hell out of me in the 2019 lying contest. Buuuuuuut I'm about to go eat lunch with my wife, have a campaign rally outside of a burning church in North Carolina aaaaand do an interview on Fox News about how I'm saving Americans billions of dollars with my new executive order that eliminates oxygen from the air. Try not to choke on my dust, loser.
...Jared Kushner: Let me smell yo dick.
...a cheeseburger: Soon, you will be seeing MY shithole country.
...Don, Jr: Your mother and I are very proud of you for not being completely 100% retarded.
...Rosanne Barr: Here's a check for 5 dollars to write my next tweet. I've run out of insults for minorities.
...Kid Rock: Do you have any power ballads about fingerbanging on the first date in your discography? I'm making a mix-tape for my daughter. I call it, "Let Me Smell Yo Bidet".
...Diamond and Silk: Look, I appreciate that you guys love me and all, but I actually ordered all of this food for just me.
...Puerto Rico: I'd let you listen to the mix-tape that I made for my daughter but you guys still haven't gotten your power turned on, so that obviously isn't going to happen. Also, you're paying for this fucking hairspray.
...the black hole photographed from 55 million light-years away: I love you, Melania.
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