Barry Manilow: Sorry. Can't take your call right now. Me and Rock Hudson are cruising' for pussy at the new Mapplethorpe exhibit. Bitches love black n white pictures of flowers.
Kim Jong-il: One day arl of you rill be mine!!!!!!!! Reave ten minutes of crying at the breep.
Ivanka Trump: Daddy and mommy are busy watching "On Golden Pond" behind locked doors with people who talk funny. Can I have a cookie?
Ronald Reagan: Nancy, I need help with this talking toaster. It's not melting the cheese to the Wonder Bread and the damned squawking box keeps doing impressions of my voice whenever I hit the buttons.
Charlie Sheen: Just so you know...Asian women do NOT have sideways vaginas. Boooooring.
Bill Buckner: Hello, neighbor. What a beautiful day it is to be alive. I'm going to make love to my wife and go to work.
Magic Johnson: Ladies. Ladies. Ladies. We can't all have a headache...heh-heh. But seriously, just put the tip of your message in.
Micheal Hutchinson: I can't cum on the phone right now. The cord is really long and it's mounted pretty far from the hallway closet. Leave your name and number and I'll get back to you after I wash my hands.
Ronald Reagan: THAT'S Jodie Foster!? What The Fuck!?!? And how did she shrink herself to fit inside of our television?
O.J. Simpson: Sorry, I missed your call. Leave a message and i'll get back to you when I can. If you're calling for Nicole please leave a very detailed inventory of your entire weekly schedule and I will come find you right away.
George Micheal: Look. I've told you already: I only did USA For Africa because that INXS asshole never answers his fucking phone. Plus, I owed Bowie a favor...heh-heh.
Ronald Reagan: Mr. Gorbachev, "Tear down the wall" are my favorite lyrics on that Pink Floyd album cuz I've been trippin on some new shit that really helps me focus on the worthless inanity of the human condition vs. the monolithic political machine that's choking the metaphysical life out of this planet. Can I have a cookie?
Bill Buckner: [We're sorry. The call you've made cannot be completed as dialed. Please try again or stay on the line for further assistance.]
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