Captain Super Green Spider X-Faggot Bat Avenger 2

I didn't see the first Captain Super Green Spider X-Faggot Bat Avenger movie.  Am I okay to just walk into any air-conditioned theater this summer to escape the oppressive heat being created by global warming and be able to enjoy the storyline without being left in the lurch?

Here's a helpful clue to gauge the film's level of intellectual culpability: Keanu Reeves is in it.  Next question.

The internet is already buzzing with multiple conspiracy theories which suggest that Captain Super Green Spider X-Faggot Bat Avenger 2 is secretly a mission statement concerning Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's next herd of adopted children from Africa.  Can you substantiate any of these rumors, and...for God's sake...would you please put some pants on?

I enjoy the feeling of a cool breeze on my legs.  That should be a sufficient answer to the question about children.  I have no comment about my pants.

A test audience in Ferguson, Missouri responded negatively to the lack of minority representation in Captain Super Green Spider X-Faggot Bat Avenger 2, yet, positive to the free HIV testing being offered by the concession stand.  Is this a coincidence or should you have invited more people to the viewing than just Magic Johnson?

Look, this is a new phone and his number is the only one that I had memorized.

Is this paving the way for an endless Captain Super Green Spider X-Faggot Bat Avenger mega series, or can we expect a bit of closure in this film and all move on with our binge-watching of equally meaningless television series instead?

You're asking the wrong guy.  I plan on going back to school this year so that I can get my degree, plow myself into huge debt and then be able to blame my failed existence on the government.  Please text me if you know anybody who has a bar tending position available soon.

I know somebody.

Shut up, Anderson Cooper.  You know nothing.