Thursday, June 27, 2019
Republican Gwar Tribute Band
Putin: "Chechnya Self B-4U Wreck US Elf" (band manager)
Mitch McConnell: "Elder Rod Cream-Pirate" (lead croakals)
Sarah Huckabee Sanders: "Slaggus Orgasmus" (snarl drum)
Orrin Hatch: "Flat Girther Chugbone" (meddle, steal, leotard)
Eric Trump: "Wet Goodfellow" (back-up nothing to see here)
Lindsey Graham: "Legend Of Schmegma" (rusty trombone, skin flute, cock)
David Duke: "Honky Felchah" (hatey-hate keys)
Donald J. Trump: "Putin On Da Ritz" (lead lyre)
Tuesday, June 4, 2019
Translating Melania Trump's "Be Best" Slogan To Leaders Of Foreign Countries
Finland: We've actually never seen a rake before, but they sound nice.
United Kingdom: C'mon. Be realistic. That blimp isn't nearly fat enough.
Japan: He doesn't eat anything fishy unless Ivanka's showing cleavage.
Haiti: You have a lovely shithole. Did you just have it raked?
Russia: When you take off your shirt and ride around in circles on a horse it reminds me of my wedding night.
France: We hope to have a parade like this when Barron finds his first nude pictures of me on the internet.
China: I thought my husband had the Chinese character for "cheeseburger" on his ankle when we first met. Turns out, it's actually a huge cluster of varicose veins. Phew! Dodged a bullet there!
Saudi Arabia: He just can't keep his hands off of big round glowing pussies ever since our last visit.
Germany: Just heard about World War II. Sorry for your loss.
Iran: Odd. When I asked my husband where we were going today and he shrugged his shoulders and said, "Somewhere that starts with the letter 'I' and treats their women like dogshit" I thought he meant we were going to Indiana.
New Zealand: Just heard about the mass shooting at the mosque. Do you need more bullets?
Israel: We're struggling to find our own peace agreement over the strip of land between Ivankas' legs.
Mexico: I loved your character on "COPS".
North Korea: Seriously, what the fuck does a rake look like? Is the severed head of your mother spiked on one in the guest bathroom?
Nambia: I'm confused. If black people can't swim, then how did they get to America?
Alabama: I know that dolls and candy are more expensive after the China tariffs, Mr. Moore. Maybe you need a cheaper hobby.
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